I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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