So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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