new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
