Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize