Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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