I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
