I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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