Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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