Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
