pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
