do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
