You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
