just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
