Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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