The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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