my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
