He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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