giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
