You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
