dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
