his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
