she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
