too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
