I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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