i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
