I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just blew my weed a kiss
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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