feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
