I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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