Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
