i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
