My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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