her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
