You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
