I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
