dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My cat gives me a boner
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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