is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
