OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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