Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
