wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want to be your penis for a week.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
