Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
