Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
