Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize