so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize