This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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