i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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