so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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