His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
