I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
