ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
