Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
