12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
