I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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