ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
