He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize