that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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