So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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