I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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