No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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