someone get that fucking seahorse.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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