Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
