I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
