Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Boobs are out for the taking
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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