im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
