I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it because I queefed?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
