Plan B is the new Plan A
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
