so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
