Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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