moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
well you can't waste a boner
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
