1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
