I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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