so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
