I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
