She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
