He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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